Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sober January is a disaster.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
