Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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