Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
