The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
