Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
