if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
