Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize