don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
