Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
