so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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