I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
