well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
