Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
