Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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