Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
