My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
