Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
