I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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