You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
