David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
