you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
