ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
