Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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