one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
