this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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