I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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