Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
