Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
