How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
