Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
