i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
