my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There are leaves in my underwear?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
