I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
