you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
