Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
