He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
