you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
