I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I believe in your delicious
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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