I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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