Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
