And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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