I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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