you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
