Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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