barbara walters just said penis...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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