hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
