If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
