What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
