Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
