he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
