you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
please don't ironically join a cult
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
