You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
