I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize