using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
