Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
