Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
