you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
