I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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