OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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