guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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