I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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