he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
