I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
