its not stalking. its research.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
