oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
