Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
