the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This is the high leading the old right now
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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