he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
