I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
