You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
