you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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