drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize