I want to make a zoo with you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
