Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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