I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
