he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
