And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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