she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Everclear isn't food dammit
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
