I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
