He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
