i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
