I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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