the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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