It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize