i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
