remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
