Kiss
Puke
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i now understand why vodka
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
