Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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