____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
