I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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