oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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