Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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