I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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