Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize