is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
