Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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