Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
